Parallel Blogging

A lot of the time, I feel like I'm blogging alongside someone else. It feels pretty good, because it shows that we at least have some things in common.

Anyway, today I'm going to talk about relationships and my life. First I'm gonna put what I want, then what I got, then how that effected me. All I want is something simple, someone who doesn't want me to change but supports me if I want to change, supports me in everything. Nothing serious, nothing based on lust, I want someone who has things in common with me (obviously, but I missed that last time) to the point of reminding me of me. A girl that will make me happy, and stop me being paranoid with just a few words, someone who's open, no secrets, we'd need to be able to trust each other. Every kiss should be a special occaision, not something that's done for the sake of lust.

What I got was very different, before I really knew what I wanted. I know I've written about past relationships so much in this blog but that's just been a blame game, it didn't effect me massively but it seriously fucked up my trust. I had a fourteen month relationship, I don't know how much of it was real or not, it was based on lust because we had nothing in common. I lost my virginity about a week after I turned 15, which isn't great I know...It was full of lies, on her side, she cheated on me twice, but I'm not even sure if she was lying or not. So in January (ironically) it ended, for good, and then for about a month I gave up on everything. Then in February she came back to fuck with my head some more. In March I was totally fucked up. I found someone I could talk to, that I had things in common with. By the start of April I was over my ex and I discovered that this new girl liked me, obviously I started getting suspicious when she didn't want to do anything about it. Two months later, I discovered she LIED.

I wouldn't say all this has damaged me emotionally in the long run, I'm fine as far as that goes. But my trust, however, is seriously damaged. I believe a girl somewhere could restore that quite easily. The thing is, when confronted with another girl who says she likes me, I'm gonna think "is she lying?" even if I KNOW I can trust her, it's ridiculous.

So, what if there is a girl who can tick all the boxes in my second paragraph? What if she knows she does but is just a bit low in self confidence to be honest about it? What if I tick her boxes? So many questions, so little answers.

Something's going to happen soon. As said, if it happens, it happens.

Welcome to my life :p