WARNING: This picture is likely to be more exciting than the entirety of the film I'm watching
21:25 Okay, blueberry ice cream, check. Laptop, check. Ready to go!
21:26 RAINING, RUNNING, SHOUTING! SO MUCH ACTION!
21:27 SCREAMING, SQUIRMING, oh...title screen.
21:28 She just said she had an english friend! Fuck you Edward, you ruined an anecdote which probably wouldn't have affected the plot at all but would have enchanced character depth. My ice cream is completely frozen, this is depressing.
This picture breaks all Twilight canon because they are smiling.
21:30 but Bella, you can get married and be home for 4pm!
21:34 You know, all Edward has done is prevent the development of the plot, he's a terrible character.
21:37 mother broke the continuation of my timings, so i'm going by GMT now...
21:39 Now the dad guy has gotten all angsty and awkward, now that makes just about everyone in the film.
21:40 Intense is not the word i would use to describe the atmosphere of this film...
21:41 OH WOW, YOU GAVE YOUR DAUGHTER A BOX! Oh, it's a quilt, well that showed me...
21:43 RUNNING! BLURRY! CHASING! WOMAN! WOODS! JUMPING! WOLVING! SLOW MOTION! STAND OFFING! Wow, quality action scene.
21:45 My mum just referred to Jacob as "eye-candy", oh yeah, some plot developing facts were revealed.
21:47 They're like frat boys, but wolves. Is that what this story is, frat boys versus rich kids?!
21:55 "this isn't about war, this is about my safety" how fucking selfish do you need to be?!
21:57 Oh god, not more fucking back story. Where did Alice go?
21:58 blah blah spirits blah blah warriors blah blah tribe blah blah fighing. What a waste of time.
22:03 an army of bad vampires, to go alongside the army of werewolves, and the army of leadery vampires, Stephanie meyer needs to sort it out.
22:07 "I'm in love with you Bella, blah blah" I swear, who said Alice was in this film a lot?
22:08 there's a lesson in life, don't punch werewolves.
22:10 "bella I envy you" FOR FUCK'S SAKE, IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT BELLA IN THIS FILM, YET SHE'S STILL ONE OF THE MOST SHALLOW MAIN CHARACTERS EVER!
22:12 MORE FUCKING BACKSTORY! ARGHHH! OH LOOK! I ACTUALLY KILLED EVERYONE, THIS IS SO FUCKING ESSENTIAL TO THE STORY! WHAT ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH FRIEND BELLA? WHAT ABOUT THEM?!
22:16 Anna, I don't know how to put this, I don't think I love you anymore...it's not you, it's Alice!
22:17 Unidentifiable pop song, followed by Unidentifiable Muse track. Followed by Jacob.
22:18 ALICE IS THERE!
See, with that bow, it's like she's all wrapped up for me...
22:20 Wolves and Vampires team up against bad vampires, this is getting stupidly predictable.
22:22 How come Edward speaks wolf? It's so obvious that training will just result in a standoff between Edward and Jacob.
22:25 but it didn't, how useless. Oh look, moreeeee back story!
Useless picture from some blog to accompany equally useless back story.
22:28 How come vampires speed up whenever they do something bad?
22:34 Losing...interest...in...film...Alice...not around...enough. Oh there she is!
22:37 NO! HAVE "THE TALK"! PLEASE! I NEED TO KNOW THIS! Why does this film avoid EVERYTHING?!
22:39 Just TRY to fuck her, no one else wants to...
22:41 No, I didn't think so.
22:44 A marriage! I love weddings!
22:49 going camping with your boyfriend and the guy who loves you, sounds like a good rom com.
22:51 not a very funny rom com...
22:53 the two guys are having a rational conversation! Edward sounds sounds ridiculously british when his voice is lowered. Like some crumpet with that humble pie?
22:54 THIS JUST IN! THERE ARE NO WORDS! source: edward cullen.
22:56 since when did Bella sound so manly? A manly slut.
22:59 cheating IN FRONT of your fiancé? Awkward...
23:06 Climax fight...yawn. some people fought some people.
Quick, everyone! Stereotypcial vampire poses!
23:08 Oh it's the italians. Jacob's hurt but Doctor vampire's on the case.
23:10 Twilight, the touching story of how a bratty girl managed to bring frat boys and rich kids together, then took her boyfriend on a camping trip with the boy she knew loved her.
23:14 There's a 50/50 chance he wants you back, but there's only a 10% chance of that.
23:16 MORE BREAKING NEWS! GIRL WHO HANGS OUT WITH VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES ADMITS SHE'S NOT NORMAL!
23:17 hahaha, how foolish edward, it was never "all about you", it's all about Bella. Always.
23:18 okay, it's over...that was much harder than sitting through the last one...
23:19 voices are raised in argument with mother.
23:20 Okay, fucking conclusions, let's go:
- That was the worst of them all, because it was well made but horribly written, at least the first one was horribly made and gave me something to laugh at. I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it through the next film.
- Now I have to wade through google images until i find some pictures suitable to post on this thing.
- People told me there would be more Alice in the film, they lied.
- I'm not very good at making conclusions.
Whatever, the point is this stuff isn't good for my health. Maybe I should do a music thing instead.
Have your stupid twi-live blog.
