Hmm

My blog is one year old on April 15th. It sounds sad, but it's a massive landmark for me. I don't know, sticking to something for a year is quite daunting for someone like myself. I also have my traditional Mayday picnic on May 3rd, which is ages away, but I'm still ridiculously excited.

But that's weeks away, let's talk about the present.

There are a lot of things that have been chewing away at the edges of my subconscious for a while now. Like, I STILL haven't got a job. It's not that I don't have any cash, I've got more than I know what to do with, about £130. You see, I'm not too much of a material person, I like not having money because then I know I wont waste it. This is why I've set myself a target of not going below the £100 mark, which I've only done once. It only goes on books and things anyway...

I want a job just for the experience. I don't even know why I'm talking about it, because that's all I'm going to do. I've been talking about it for quite a long time now, I just don't do. It's harder knowing that there's the possibility that your friends are gonna flip when you explain your problem to them. They've all been there, still doing that, and that makes it okay, because they're all doing fantastically well and that means everyone else should be too. As you can see, I've been told the same thing a few times, from lots of people. It doesn't really help.

Enough of that, it's not the only thing that's been on my mind. Surprisingly, my social life isn't one of those things. It probably should be, I only go out something stupid like once every three weeks. Truth be told I've become very cynical about social arrangements, lots of things are "arranged", but on the day I'm quite happy to sit around doing whatever half-waiting for the go-ahead text that I know isn't coming. I just don't really care anymore.

The thing I do care about is the constant stream of people asking me about relationship related things lately. I don't mind if it's about other people's relationships because I'm happy to help people out with whatever they need, but it's not been that. I've been approached by complete strangers about my ex, keeping in mind that she has been my ex for well over a year now. It's stupid, I mean I'm happy being single, of course it bothers me every now and then but isn't that the same with everyone? It doesn't help that my ex is around (never date people in the same work environment as you, it will only end in awkwardness) giving me stares whenever she thinks I'm not looking. I admit, it's starting to bother me, and not in an "I miss you" sense, in a "go away" sense.

Conversation with a stranger this week (she started it):
"Do you still love her?"
"No, why should I?"
"Because she still loves you."

It hurt. Partly because we all know that love was no part of the equation, I'm far too young for that, whatever "that" is. But mostly because you just want people to leave it alone. Personally, I'm sick of reading blogs about exes, so I'm ending this here.

If you read any more about relationships from me, please hit me...hard.