My Thoughts Today

'Nuff said.

"Two Lefts Don't Make A Right"

Damn...

Story Time! (Last Part)

She said nothing on the way, and I wasn’t quite sure what to say, so I stayed silent. As we reached the gate, I saw the true size of the graveyard, it seemed big from the park, but the view from there was merely a fraction, it didn’t seem grim or anything, but the shear size of the place was kind of intimidating.

I was led around the church to a small area at the back. The gravestones were tightly packed together here, there was barely any space to stand in front of them. she pointed, her face showing no emotion, towards a gravestone just inside the third row, it read “James Maple, 1991-2007, rest in peace” nothing else, in front of the grave stood a picture frame of a grinning boy and a plant plot containing a group of blooming lilies. Jennifer proceeded to take the bag off of her back and produced a bottle of water.

I wasn’t sure what to say, I watched her water the plant, then a few plants in front of surrounding graves. It seemed a bit too much to take in all at once, I mean, this whole situation was practically surrounded by death, but now I was literally surrounded by death, and I was afraid. Not afraid of all the people lying around me, but of the fact that any point, one of my friends could join them. I didn’t like that idea at all,
“How often do you come here?” I spoke slowly and chose my words carefully. I didn’t want to offend her again,
“About twice a week,” she replied, not making any eye contact with me, which bothered me. After all, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Then I realized it, this was Jennifer, just on a darker scale, she cared, even after death, she still cared for her friends, that was amazing. The back of my eyes began to itch.

“If…if I lost someone, anyone…I wouldn’t treat them any differently, I’d still visit them, talk to them, buy things for them…care for them,” a tear rolled down my cheek, she finally looked me in the eye,
“And…what would you do?” She asked me,
“I’d go to a friend, everyone needs help at some point in their life. I’d go to you.”

Now, boys don’t normally cry, not unless they really can’t stop themselves, but when they do, they cry silently, and they cry away from those they love. I was with someone I loved, as a friend. I’d lost the schoolboy crush I had on her long ago, back on her desk. I was also crying silently, I didn’t care if she saw, I was only human. She took a tissue from her pocket and passed it to me,
“I’m sorry Robert,” she said, “I lost myself; I just wanted to escape from it all. But, in order to escape, I had to step into a trap. It wasn’t fair on you,”
“It’s ok, I understand,” I’d calmed myself by now, back to a wiser state,
“Really?” she seemed surprised,
I nodded, simply because I couldn’t explain it. She carried on with her explanation,
“I felt like I had nothing to live for, and I couldn’t figure it out. I was afraid.”
“But you figured it out?”
“Yes,”
“And what did you figure out?” She looked me right in the eyes, I felt defenceless against this new, powerful, gaze, it contained many things, friendship, respect, admiration, will, and that kind of love that can’t be explained in any way, it wasn’t a friendly love, but it wasn’t a girlfriend/boyfriend love, it was pure connection, she smiled at me,
“Robert, I live for you.”

Not Sure Why Tuesdays Are So Clueless...

Ok, I REALLY haven't got a clue what to post today, so I'm gonna post some lyrics i wrote a while back, they don't really have much of a tune so make up your own :p

Here For Me

Maybe I’m wrong in thinking
That no one’s here for me
Maybe I’m all alone
And you’re all just trying
To leave me behind

(spoken)
It’s a little unfair to think that
After constantly being ditched and abandoned
While you people are “ill” or “busy”
That you don’t actually want me

Well, here’s what I want

(chorus)

Somebody to give me a little attention
Someone that’d give me a mention
A girl or guy to help me forget
To help me out when I’m a little upset
They wont leave me through hate and they wont ditch me through greed
A friend’s all I want and that’s all I need

Maybe I’m not making myself clear
It’s getting a little predictable
The way people act so innocent
Just makes it worse on their own little score table
I’m not going crazy
I’m not really paranoid
This is actually happening to me

Well now it’s my turn

(Chorus)

(spoken)

Around all of this madness
You begin to think
You think “how bad must I be?”
Then you begin to sink
Lower and lower inside yourself
Until everything you say is a direct attack on you
This isn’t my causing
This is your fault
You’d better be taking some bloody notes

(Instrumental)

I need somebody to give me a little attention
Someone that’d give me a mention
A girl or guy to help me forget
To help me out when I’m a little upset
(spoken while music fades) For comfort, for help, for sanctuary and shelter
For the happiness, the fun and all in between
For the love that friends give and receive in return
For the motivation that drives us to get up in the morning
For calming when angry and cheering when sad
For company even when unexpected
For all you expect from a friend and even more . . .
. . . (sung)Yeah that’s what I need

Are Slugs Cannibals?!

It's been a weird week, so I'm gonna focus on what matters, the weekend!

I didn't plan for saturday at all, I was just innocently sitting on the computer at 9pm when i was asked to window shop with Emma for two hours, obviously i said yes, because she's an awesome, awesome person. Then, at about 11pm, i got a text from Anna asking if i wanted to meet her as well. Obviously the times all fitted together perfectly, 'cause things like that just don't happen and go halfway :p

So, after i found the trainstation, i met Anna and her friend and we went to Costa, where we stayed, they told me they moved but i don't really believe them. They bought lots of things and I felt really out of place because I knew i couldn't afford anything :p. Then i went to meet Emma, where i found out the whole window shopping thing was a lie, I don't remember looking through one window with her at all! Anyway, we looked at lots of accessories and necklaces and stuff, because i'm sort of like the gay best friend but without the gay.

After Emma was dragged away for other engagements, I went back to Costa, because Anna was STILL there, we stayed till about 7, and they bought lots of things, and I read the sun because there was nothing better to read. Overall, it was a pretty awesome day.

Sunday was pretty well planned, even though i didn't plan it. Eleanor decided she was coming round mine and James decided we were going to his, easy plan. In the end we sat around creating our virtual life in a flat together in the sims. Needless to say, we all got married and Eleanor accidently became a step mother, genius, a lovely, relaxing day :D

It was an amazing weekend, but there was still something missing, I miss you Emily!!!

Story Time! (Part 4)

After Jennifer had woken herself, we travelled downstairs, where I sat her on the sofa,
“I know why you did it,” I said, “I read the conversations; those people are dangerous, they make people kill themselves for fun! Nothing they said was true, nothing!”
“There’s another reason…they just brought it back, I figured they were fake after a while,”
“Let me guess, someone did what you nearly did to me a while back, and you want to be with them,”
“That was out of order Robert!” She stood up, eyes watering,
“What?!” I knew my guesses were lucky, but this was impossible, surely…
“Go home, I hate you!” She threw her inappropriately placed schoolbag at me; tears were streaming down her face,
“I’m sorry…I didn’t know!”
“I don’t care Robert!” She walked towards the door, “I’m going,”
“Where?!” I was slightly hysterical at this point.
“I’m not telling you Robert, just go home! And if you follow me I’ll call the police!” That worked.

I waited for her to exit her road before sitting on her doorstep, clutching her bag, trying to think of any place she would go to. Normally it wouldn’t have taken long but my thoughts were clouded by what she might do to herself and my own personal failure. It hurt to think that I could cause so much damage by getting so close to the cause of the problem, it really did. I couldn’t imagine what she was going to do; she didn’t appear to be thinking at all! After what felt like an age, it clicked.

There was this park not to far away from Jen’s house, with a graveyard next to it. She’d always seemed attached to it but I never knew why. Obviously, it all made sense now. I began to run, which isn’t something I normally do, my dignity no longer mattered. What had seemed to start as an accident had suddenly become a matter of life and death.

Death was the one thing I was most afraid of, more than heights, more than spiders, more than anything. I don’t mean my own death, I’m not that selfish, I mean anyone’s death, I want to prolong any life for as long as possible. I was four or five streets away from Jennifer’s house when I received a text. Nobody apart from Jennifer knew how to text me, so it had to be her. I whipped my phone out of my pocket, “Can you bring me my bag? I need something out of it” I guessed she thought I’d already figured out where she was and turned into the path that led to the park.

She was on a swing, facing away from the gate, she obviously wasn’t expecting me any time soon, so I called out to her,
“I want you to show me your friend,”
“Okay…but first, my bag,” She’d calmed down a fair amount since I’d last seen her, so I passed her the bag, not expecting any immediate danger. She caught the bag with her free arm, put it on her lap, took some silver coins from her jeans, and placed them in the side pocket. She then jumped off the swing and walked towards the gate, I assumed I was to follow.

Final part

Story Time! (Part 3)

Buses were only something I’d been using recently, I’d got this card that cut my fares in half, so I thought I’d might as well start using it. Jen didn’t talk much on the way to hers; she appeared to be deep in thought about something, something bad. I asked “is there something on your mind Jen?” four or five times, I only ever got “Oh? Yeah,” before she floated back to “Jennifer Land” again. In the end I turned my attention to the outside of the bus, realizing that one of us had to pay attention to where we were. As the bus turned into her road, I gave her a good flick to bring her back to earth. Her eyes widened and her face grew pale,
“Whassamatta?” I asked,
“Nothing,” she replied, quickly regaining control and bringing herself back to normal. She gave my arm a pull, “come on, I need a bath,”
“Charming.”

When we got in, she dragged me up to her room, sat me at her desk, grabbed some clothes and locked herself in the bathroom. Naturally, I’d been hoping for this to happen, I pulled out my memory stick and rammed it into her computer. What? You think I wouldn’t have planned? You’ve obviously not been listening carefully enough. Anyway, I booted up the computer and stormed into her documents.
“History, history, history,” I mumbled to myself, scanning the endless amount of folders,
“Gotcha!” I exclaimed, copying the folder to my memory stick. I needed to take a quick look before shutting everything down though. What I found was something else.

I don’t know how she found these people, I don’t know why they chose her, but I knew either way it was bad. These people were dangerous, no doubt about it. They played with peoples heads by posing as help, then driving them to suicide…I couldn’t catch them, they were invisible... Just scrolling through the conversations made me feel sick. Evidently they unpicked her feelings about her looks first and then her personality, finally making her admit suicide was the best way out. I hated it. Suddenly it dawned on me. Jennifer wasn’t bathing.

“Jen? Jennifer?” No reply, “Jennifer?!” Still nothing, I held my ear to the door, trying to pick up any kind of movement. Nothing! This was beyond bad, I couldn’t think straight…I knocked. Nothing. Knocked harder, still nothing! I tried the door, locked, obviously! Argh! I sat on the top stair with my ear to the wall, trying to slow my heart beat at the same time. Suddenly, movement! A quick splash, then heavy breathing. It was good enough for me.
“Jennifer!” I shouted,
“Wha…” was the dazed reply,
“Dry yourself, get dressed and come out please. We need to talk.”

Part 4