The Wednesday Lunchtime Post

Surprise! A post during the day! Wow!

Lately I've not been sleeping great and my alarm clock is malfunctioning (which doesn't help), so I've not been able to get up early enough to head into school and finalize my CV (references). I'm actually wishing I was tired so I can go to bed at a (fairly) reasonable hour.

In the past two days, my top 5 has taken a few dramatic twists, and this week could be the first time a song is posted THREE times!!! It's a shame, because I thought I had it sorted by Monday, but everything's gone a bit woooo.

I think this is week three of my holiday. To be honest I've totally lost count. Everyone's going on holiday now. Eleanor in Arizona, Karolina in Poland, Anna in Ireland. Billy's off to Turkey later as well. I was so glad when Emily came back from her walk for the Duke of Edinburgh thing, I think it'll be kinda cool to know someone with a silver award :)

So, what's next in my magical holiday experience? Things aren't going great at the moment, but I'm taking it all on the shoulder because I know I've got too much time to be bothered by little things. I hope it's just an iffy day...

Stay tuned for: The start of my top 100 music videos!!!

Holidays

Today/Yesterday (Tuesday) was/has been pretty weird. I've been being pretty grouchy I guess, lying in wait to see who'd talk to me first on msn: four people, it's sad that that's actually more than I expected :p One of them was to point out how i never bothered to start the conversation. Good point, but not great for my mood, at least I know they care about me :) You know who you are. So apart from that, I'm grateful for those who spoke to me first. Again, you know who you are :) and I'm happy that I now know that I'm cared for, in my twisted, stubborn, pathetic way :p So, enough of me being stubborn, more of my next point.

Sooooo many people are gonna be away during July, it's amazing. So I guess I'm probably going to have to get myself a job (I need some cash for t-shirts and train tickets anyway). I want to get away for just one day, to the beach. Southend, because I went there so many times as a kid that it sort of became regular, and then it just stopped. Last time I went was actually before I met Jazmine (the local :p), so surely three years later it's time to go again? Definitely.

I feel happy right now, at 2:54:11, I hope it lasts.

2:55:52: it didn't last. I wish people would listen to me and treat me as if I had some kind of knowledge, they might as well throw a rattle at me right now. I'm up now because I know I wont be able to get to sleep until about 4am, meaning there's no point going to bed until about 3:30. This is because of how I've been sleeping lately. I've set my alarm to 11am so I will wake up earlier which will hopefully mean that I can sleep earlier. That's so the person who didn't listen to me in the first place now knows why I'm so pissed off that they decided to not just fucking leave me alone to do what I was doing, because I'm fully aware of the fucking time. You know who you are.

Why I Was Up At 7am Today

I was woken up at 7am today to fix the computer. Then I decided to convert my 83 videos for the blog (so far!!!). I know what the other 17 are and i'm hoping to grab them today. Then I went back to bed (do you blame me?).

Bad things happening: People seem to be hating me...

Good things: I got my new PSP today!!!

School

• It's one week today until my first exam.
• My ICT coursework deadline is tomorrow.
• I'm currently using a computer with a PINK screen.
• I should be getting the new Madina Lake album this week.
• Right now I should still be asleep.
• I STILL haven't used a day for sleep (this is like, week 3).
• I can't believe I still have three lessons left of today.
• I have no lunch.
• I should have been going to see Madina Lake on friday.
• I have that terrible feeling that this is going to be another really stressful school week.

Can't Sleep

Time for a quick lesson in adamology:

I can't sleep at all when i worry, it keeps me awake for hours. What am i worrying about? Losing a friend...

I sound like a pansy, but it will haunt me for weeks that i failed to keep one person around, i hate it.

I'd understand if I had actually done something wrong, but I haven't! I'm being stereotyped and it's horrible. I've done bad things to a lot of people, but not the people I've lost. I've done so many bad things to Emma, I don't really understand why she still talks to me, even if i never meant to cause trouble...And even when i DO do bad things, i never mean for them to be bad...

One of my biggest fears is losing a friend, and it really messes with my head, and i don't wanna lose this person at all, because it'll destroy me. I just can't stand the thought of losing ANOTHER person.

I'm scared.

I admit that i'm scared. I wont hide it behind some curtain that tells you "I'm not afraid to lose a friend," because i fucking am.

Everyone always tells me that i'm sensitive, am I too sensitive?

I can't sleep. Not tonight.