Why we should rename this blog "Adam's Depressing Thoughts"

Last night brought back ALL of my paranoia about losing people, not even madina lake can stop it now, I'm beginning to doubt my friendships with people more than ever, especially those that wont be forced to go to the same school as me next year.

I guess i can get away with posting this because barely anyone reads this anymore (no one's commented in like, three weeks), and well, last night was the first time i really doubted a few of my friendships, maybe i just overestimated people, maybe it's just me, maybe i'm just being paranoid again. I guess we'll have to find out.

I also learnt that i took a few friendships for granted too, and as much as i want to fix that, i'm probably going to lose them too.

I know i'm safe with everyone who's staying on next year, and i'm really grateful for that. But i'm scared of losing a few people, and it is only a few. What do i do?

Can't Sleep

Time for a quick lesson in adamology:

I can't sleep at all when i worry, it keeps me awake for hours. What am i worrying about? Losing a friend...

I sound like a pansy, but it will haunt me for weeks that i failed to keep one person around, i hate it.

I'd understand if I had actually done something wrong, but I haven't! I'm being stereotyped and it's horrible. I've done bad things to a lot of people, but not the people I've lost. I've done so many bad things to Emma, I don't really understand why she still talks to me, even if i never meant to cause trouble...And even when i DO do bad things, i never mean for them to be bad...

One of my biggest fears is losing a friend, and it really messes with my head, and i don't wanna lose this person at all, because it'll destroy me. I just can't stand the thought of losing ANOTHER person.

I'm scared.

I admit that i'm scared. I wont hide it behind some curtain that tells you "I'm not afraid to lose a friend," because i fucking am.

Everyone always tells me that i'm sensitive, am I too sensitive?

I can't sleep. Not tonight.