Spider season

It's strange, I think there's now a spider in every corner of my bathroom and I still haven't touched the fly swat. The summer's still attempting to fight off the winter here, it started raining really heavily the day after my birthday and the only sign of autumn you'll find is the smell of damp leaves. I missed that. I have a feeling that there wont be much autumn this year. I mean that in the sense that a warm end of september changed instantly to a cold, wet start of october. Maybe that's all autumn ever is, the fight between winter and summer, and the leaves just can't take it. Excuse me for being poetic.

I like October, not for what happens during it, just for the general mood. Unfortunately, October is the month where I generally realise that things are going to pot for me, and let's be honest, they are.

Life and Times

Well, it's the name of the blog...and I've not really been focusing on my life lately. Time to bring you up to date.

First weeks of school are always really hectic, I didn't expect some kind of exception for sixth form. But there aren't normally as many pros, maybe it's because I have some kind of new positive mentality or something. Anyway, I've been hanging around new people, and it's been fun, I've not been bastardly antisocial about it. Although i've not enjoyed being taught by a few of my teachers in the past, I believe that I have a good variety of teachers so I can work to the best of my ability for all of them.

There hasn't been a top 5 songs this week, simply because I've not had time to listen to music ): But the good side of finishing my top 100 music videos is that I can post random videos whenever I please now (:

Also, I've started labelling my blog lately, I thought it was something that needed to be done. I'm also going to give it a makeover sometime after my 100th post (only three posts to go now!). Speaking of my 100th post, I've finally figured out how to celebrate it, more about that in the future (three posts from now to be exact :p).

I should be going out tomorrow (thank god) to see Emma. It is her birthday after all. It should be good.

So yeah, there you go, you're back up to date on the life of times of Adam.

Parallel Blogging

A lot of the time, I feel like I'm blogging alongside someone else. It feels pretty good, because it shows that we at least have some things in common.

Anyway, today I'm going to talk about relationships and my life. First I'm gonna put what I want, then what I got, then how that effected me. All I want is something simple, someone who doesn't want me to change but supports me if I want to change, supports me in everything. Nothing serious, nothing based on lust, I want someone who has things in common with me (obviously, but I missed that last time) to the point of reminding me of me. A girl that will make me happy, and stop me being paranoid with just a few words, someone who's open, no secrets, we'd need to be able to trust each other. Every kiss should be a special occaision, not something that's done for the sake of lust.

What I got was very different, before I really knew what I wanted. I know I've written about past relationships so much in this blog but that's just been a blame game, it didn't effect me massively but it seriously fucked up my trust. I had a fourteen month relationship, I don't know how much of it was real or not, it was based on lust because we had nothing in common. I lost my virginity about a week after I turned 15, which isn't great I know...It was full of lies, on her side, she cheated on me twice, but I'm not even sure if she was lying or not. So in January (ironically) it ended, for good, and then for about a month I gave up on everything. Then in February she came back to fuck with my head some more. In March I was totally fucked up. I found someone I could talk to, that I had things in common with. By the start of April I was over my ex and I discovered that this new girl liked me, obviously I started getting suspicious when she didn't want to do anything about it. Two months later, I discovered she LIED.

I wouldn't say all this has damaged me emotionally in the long run, I'm fine as far as that goes. But my trust, however, is seriously damaged. I believe a girl somewhere could restore that quite easily. The thing is, when confronted with another girl who says she likes me, I'm gonna think "is she lying?" even if I KNOW I can trust her, it's ridiculous.

So, what if there is a girl who can tick all the boxes in my second paragraph? What if she knows she does but is just a bit low in self confidence to be honest about it? What if I tick her boxes? So many questions, so little answers.

Something's going to happen soon. As said, if it happens, it happens.

Welcome to my life :p