Bloggy.

Some people would be interested to know that my blog is SO VERY FUCKING NEARLY TWO YEARS OLD!
Sadly you aren't those people, damn I wish I was more popular on the interwebs!

Yesterday was Thursday (Thursday). Today it is Friday.

Today was kinda cool, so I'll tell you about it. Just kidding, you should probably just skip through to the bit with pictures.

THE BORING BACK STORY PART:

Basically, a girl I met recently when attending Ultra Culture's last event (WHICH WAS AWESOME) had a spare ticket for Milton Jones' stand-up show (no, I didn't know who he was at the time either). I was interested, having never been to a stand-up show before, so got in there quick like and nabbed the spot.

WHAT HAPPENED THAT DAY:

It turned out that the tickets for said stand-up gig were in THE SECOND ROW.

Really unclear picture of how close I was to the stage!


Equally unclear picture of the venue.

Basically, I just wanted to gloat about how close I was to the stage...

Also, I saw Nicole prior to this, which was really cool. We bitched about the education system and I learned that cappuccino cups are the most awkward things to hold (or really easy to hold if you want to destroy your hands). I thought she deserved a mention because of this, 'cause she's cool.

Second also, Milton Jones and his support act who's name I forget (Googled: James Acaster) were extremely good, I recommend them to any and all who will inevitably ask regardless of what I say here, so what's the point in telling you here? Honestly...

But seriously, SECOND ROW!

P.S. Afterwards I bumped into Karolina at Euston station which was REALLY CREEPY.

P.P.S. I understand that my blogging style has become awful. I apologise.

Twi-live part three!

WARNING: This picture is likely to be more exciting than the entirety of the film I'm watching

Fucking finally, we get to Eclipse! You know how it goes, I start out trying to make artistic comments and inevitably deviate to Alice's legs.

21:25 Okay, blueberry ice cream, check. Laptop, check. Ready to go!

21:26 RAINING, RUNNING, SHOUTING! SO MUCH ACTION!

21:27 SCREAMING, SQUIRMING, oh...title screen.

21:28 She just said she had an english friend! Fuck you Edward, you ruined an anecdote which probably wouldn't have affected the plot at all but would have enchanced character depth. My ice cream is completely frozen, this is depressing.

This picture breaks all Twilight canon because they are smiling.

21:30 but Bella, you can get married and be home for 4pm!

21:34 You know, all Edward has done is prevent the development of the plot, he's a terrible character.

21:37 mother broke the continuation of my timings, so i'm going by GMT now...

21:39 Now the dad guy has gotten all angsty and awkward, now that makes just about everyone in the film.

21:40 Intense is not the word i would use to describe the atmosphere of this film...

21:41 OH WOW, YOU GAVE YOUR DAUGHTER A BOX! Oh, it's a quilt, well that showed me...

21:43 RUNNING! BLURRY! CHASING! WOMAN! WOODS! JUMPING! WOLVING! SLOW MOTION! STAND OFFING! Wow, quality action scene.

21:45 My mum just referred to Jacob as "eye-candy", oh yeah, some plot developing facts were revealed.

21:47 They're like frat boys, but wolves. Is that what this story is, frat boys versus rich kids?!

21:55 "this isn't about war, this is about my safety" how fucking selfish do you need to be?!

21:57 Oh god, not more fucking back story. Where did Alice go?

21:58 blah blah spirits blah blah warriors blah blah tribe blah blah fighing. What a waste of time.

22:03 an army of bad vampires, to go alongside the army of werewolves, and the army of leadery vampires, Stephanie meyer needs to sort it out.

22:07 "I'm in love with you Bella, blah blah" I swear, who said Alice was in this film a lot?

22:08 there's a lesson in life, don't punch werewolves.

22:10 "bella I envy you" FOR FUCK'S SAKE, IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT BELLA IN THIS FILM, YET SHE'S STILL ONE OF THE MOST SHALLOW MAIN CHARACTERS EVER!

22:12 MORE FUCKING BACKSTORY! ARGHHH! OH LOOK! I ACTUALLY KILLED EVERYONE, THIS IS SO FUCKING ESSENTIAL TO THE STORY! WHAT ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH FRIEND BELLA? WHAT ABOUT THEM?!

22:16 Anna, I don't know how to put this, I don't think I love you anymore...it's not you, it's Alice!

22:17 Unidentifiable pop song, followed by Unidentifiable Muse track. Followed by Jacob.

22:18 ALICE IS THERE!

See, with that bow, it's like she's all wrapped up for me...

22:20 Wolves and Vampires team up against bad vampires, this is getting stupidly predictable.

22:22 How come Edward speaks wolf? It's so obvious that training will just result in a standoff between Edward and Jacob.

22:25 but it didn't, how useless. Oh look, moreeeee back story!

Useless picture from some blog to accompany equally useless back story.

22:28 How come vampires speed up whenever they do something bad?

22:34 Losing...interest...in...film...Alice...not around...enough. Oh there she is!

22:37 NO! HAVE "THE TALK"! PLEASE! I NEED TO KNOW THIS! Why does this film avoid EVERYTHING?!

22:39 Just TRY to fuck her, no one else wants to...

22:41 No, I didn't think so.

22:44 A marriage! I love weddings!

22:49 going camping with your boyfriend and the guy who loves you, sounds like a good rom com.

22:51 not a very funny rom com...

22:53 the two guys are having a rational conversation! Edward sounds sounds ridiculously british when his voice is lowered. Like some crumpet with that humble pie?

22:54 THIS JUST IN! THERE ARE NO WORDS! source: edward cullen.

22:56 since when did Bella sound so manly? A manly slut.

22:59 cheating IN FRONT of your fiancé? Awkward...

23:06 Climax fight...yawn. some people fought some people.

Quick, everyone! Stereotypcial vampire poses!

23:08 Oh it's the italians. Jacob's hurt but Doctor vampire's on the case.

23:10 Twilight, the touching story of how a bratty girl managed to bring frat boys and rich kids together, then took her boyfriend on a camping trip with the boy she knew loved her.

23:14 There's a 50/50 chance he wants you back, but there's only a 10% chance of that.

23:16 MORE BREAKING NEWS! GIRL WHO HANGS OUT WITH VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES ADMITS SHE'S NOT NORMAL!

23:17 hahaha, how foolish edward, it was never "all about you", it's all about Bella. Always.

23:18 okay, it's over...that was much harder than sitting through the last one...

23:19 voices are raised in argument with mother.

23:20 Okay, fucking conclusions, let's go:

1. That was the worst of them all, because it was well made but horribly written, at least the first one was horribly made and gave me something to laugh at. I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it through the next film.
2. Now I have to wade through google images until i find some pictures suitable to post on this thing.
3. People told me there would be more Alice in the film, they lied.
4. I'm not very good at making conclusions.

Whatever, the point is this stuff isn't good for my health. Maybe I should do a music thing instead.

Have your stupid twi-live blog.

Rated arrrr ( a snippet from your average conversation on msn)

(on the subject of my imaginary pirate girlfriend)

Adam Batchelor says

should've said "aye (she's only got one)"

Eleanor says

lol

only arrrrsking

Adam Batchelor says

she stole my hearties?

okay let's stop this before it gets out of hand (hook?)

Eleanor says

you're just trying to get a wooden leg over

Adam Batchelor says

whatever, you know you're not an eye-patch on me

Eleanor says

oh, stop parroting on

Adam Batchelor says

only if you stop whale-ing

Eleanor says

i'll make you walk the plank for that one

Adam Batchelor says

i'm not sure if my last pun was really cannon

Eleanor says

carry on, and i'll give you a kick up the porthole

Adam Batchelor says

i think it's time for you to jump ship

Eleanor says

and cut my losses or cutlasses?

Adam Batchelor says

yeah, just cut and rum

Eleanor says

keep on and i'll poopdeck you

Adam Batchelor says

i'll com-pass thanks

Eleanor says

you're in deep water now

Adam Batchelor says

maybe it's time you broadened your telescope

Eleanor says

i can't, i left it in Davy Jones' locker

Adam Batchelor says

you clearly haven't mast-ered the art of puns

Eleanor says

hang on, just need to charge my IPatch....

Adam Batchelor says

that one was worse than scurvy

Eleanor says

well your standards must be higher than the crows nest then

is that the avast one?

Adam Batchelor says

maybe it's time you took your bowsprit

Eleanor says

well, it was a piece of skate

Adam Batchelor says

or am i just being stern?

Eleanor says

now, don't be prow

oh, one of the scurvy seadogs wants to board this computer

Adam Batchelor says

ah, a mutiny

Eleanor says

aye

Adam Batchelor says

well i musket back to you some time

Eleanor says

(you arrrrr going to copy and baste this to ye blog, right?)

Adam Batchelor says

that will be where it will take anchor

Eleanor says

savvy

Adam Batchelor says

so i guess you'll be going leeward

Eleanor says

overboard, methinks

sea you later

(I think I stole the show with the "musket" one)

P bloody S.

I'd also like to add to my previous post that I had a draft post lined up from a month or so ago that said "there is a time for blogging and a time for sorting your life out". I'm now predicted an A in further maths, getting 81% and 84% in my S1 and C2 mocks respectively. I'm still working on the sciences but hey, I guess I'm halfway there.

There you have it, I actually made some progress with my education, be proud of me.

An apology.

I haven't blogged in two months, yes. I have neglected you all, Yes. You want me to explain why, probably not. Tough.

There are different types of blogs, blogs that review, blogs that inform, blogs with no particular reason. I kind of like to believe that my blog was one of those journey blogs. It was kind of a journey in it's development alone, from average-that-wont-last to not-so-average-that-probably-could-last-a-few-more-months. But you can't really write a journey blog when your life isn't moving far. Obviously it's going some places, I could tell you plenty about calculus, fibre optics and enzymes but we all know that you don't want me to tell you and I don't want to write it. Therefore we are at a stand still.

However, I have done things recently. I went to Nottingham, I lost at golf and tonight I went to Ultra Culture Cinema #6. These are all stories I may choose to document another time. No promises though.

So yeah, sorry and stuff.

Death is easy, peaceful. Watching Twilight is so, so much harder.

Not much I can say to justify watching New Moon, after the disaster that was Twilight. Let's just call it a dangerous desire to complete what I've started. Dangerous.

00:00 I'm not exactly comfortable, but let's begin anyway...It's not like I have much choice.

00:03 She's concerned about having grey hair?! Oh hey Anna.

00:05 Kissing, gay. Ugh, maybe I need to actually say some proper media stuff.

00:07 You know I think Alice's legs turned up before she did...no problems here. Anyway, conversation seems to flow a little better this time around, and the shots seem slightly less ambitious. Might make up for the terrible storyline.

0:10 The pale kid recites Shakespeare, how romantic.

0:12 Effects are still kinda crap though, oh well. Oh hey Alice ^.^

0:13 Spoilt brat tries hard not to enjoy her birthday. Still loves a truck.

00:15 Oh cool, we're actually getting some character depth this time! Not from anyone REALLY important though, that would be stupid. However, it's a character I kinda like, so I'll let it slide.

0:18 They can't even kiss! Ahah! Beautiful.

0:19 Oh hey anna. Pale kid sneaks into his girlfriend's bedroom.

0:20 Oh god, the woods, now something emotional is going to happen...

0:25 What a dick. I like how they're not showing the speedy effects anymore, because they were shite. Yet haven't bothered to replace them...

0:27 It's suddenly October. Spoilt bitch's hair has gone dark. NOW IT'S NOVEMBER! LIKE MAGIC! The camera work is so much better.

0:28 Dear Alice, please bring your legs back into this film.

0:29 Wow, dad was quick to let go too. Good job.

0:31 Hey Anna, you're being kinda annoying. Where's Alice?

0:33 What kind of girl does this at all?! AND ANNA FUCKING WAITED FOR HER?!

0:35 Awkward conversation is back, Jacob is kind of annoying. Do girls seriously like him? Edward I kinda get, but not him.

0:37 Who are these geeks?!

0:38 Montage that almost flows.

0:44 Fuck off Edward, put your top back on Jacob! What is this fucking film?!

0:46 Facepunch, a film with punching faces. Stop being a bitch Anna! Where's Alice gone?!

0:47 Lucas Lee is probably starring in this film...Face punch, that is.

0:50 Thank you What'syourface! Taylor Lautner needs to fuck off. At least Edward can sport sunglasses!

0:53 Oh hey, he cut his hair.

0:56 Alice, please bring your legs back into this film.

0:57 What's this, appendix failure?!

0:59 A black guy in the woods? Horrible stereotyping.

1:00 AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! THE WOLF LOOKS LIKE A PUPPET! AHAHAHAH! Perfect for an hour in.

1:03 Why do guys keep coming into her room like this?!

1:05 WHY HAVEN'T YOU FUCKING FIGURED IT OUT YET?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS FILM! ANNA'S A BITCH NOW, BELLA STOPPED BITING HER LIP AND ALICE HAS GONE! THIS IS JUST ABOUT MEN TAKING THEIR TOPS OFF NOW!

1:07 Maybe if you weren't so stupid wolfy wouldn't be getting so fucked up right now.

1:08 I think this is a statement that there are four topless men in a room and a woman with a horribly scarred face. A statement against Alice's legs.

1:12 Kiss her you fool, obvious flirting alert! Actually don't, I still don't like you.

1:15 Fight! Or run, whatever.

1:17 So they swapped bad effects for bad animation, okay. Sure.

1:19 LET HER DIE, SAVE ME FROM THIS!

1:21 I just realised how hard the guys have to think while talking in this film. Furrowed brows everywhere.

1:23 ALICE! I've missed you!

1:25 Don't go...

1:29 Jacob, fuck off, can't you see Alice is here now?! Virgin plug, also, there was a Burger King plug too, and this animation is awful.

1:34 Run through the fountain, take off some clothes while you're at it.

1:35 She looks really cross eyed in this scene, beautiful.

1:36 horrible kissing.

1:38 Elevator music joke?

1:43 Okay, so she's immune, create a vaccine, maybe?

1:49 I hate the way that new antagonists are introduced so close to the end of a film, we already know there are going to be at least two more.

1:52: Is this the bit where people formed teams for these guys? Is there a team for Alice?

1:54 LIP BITE! WOOOOOO!

1:57 I'm glad that's over. I have to admit, it was better than the first film in terms of visuals, for the most part anyway, camera work was better and stuff, still not impressed with the whole turnaround with women being overshadowed with topless men. But hey, whatever. Time to look up whoever played Alice on the IMDB.

Team Alice <3.